Something so sacred so hard to replace
by CamicamiCat
Summary: Numbness and indifferance. I couldn't accept that he left me. I still felt him. i still needed him. Falling for him was like falling from grace. Literally. I had nothing.
1. Chapter 1

Emptiness

Utter and complete emptiness. I had nothing and no one. Even in death Sebastian was still winning the game. To think that not too long ago I was better at this than him. I'm not ashamed to accept the fact that I miss him. I miss him so much that it causes me physical pain.

Since the accident happened I haven't left his room, I've slept in his room every night. It's been 6 months and she hadn't gotten over it. She didn't know how

My mother has given up in me ever since the scandal at the school she doesn't know what to do with me. She's amazed and disgusted at me from what she read in the journals.

"You're a complete different person from the girl I raised". My mother said in front of all the wondering eyes. I thought to myself no, you didn't raise me. You weren't a mother to me. She's left me all alone to fend from myself. Her and Edward have grown rather close since Sebastian's death, I'm shocked. Their marriage was deteriorating but now they went off to a "grieving getaway". And left me all alone in this house. Maybe they think I can't do more damage to myself or my reputation since I'm so depressed.

They're all fucking idiots. Every single last one of them. Including Annette Hardgrove. She left the city right after she killed my reputation and what was worse is that she took Sebastian's car with her which is rightfully mine. Now I have nothing of him just his bitter possessions and his room which still smells like him.

Funny how in society I'm the pariah and he's the hero. He's the one who went through with the plan. I'm not the only manipulator. He manipulated Annette into falling for him, the hick only saw the best parts of Sebastian. Anyone can love a mirage. But I know the worst parts of him. I've always known them. How he ruthlessly takes and takes and doesn't stop taking. Sebastian is -was cruel like me. He took so much from me. We were one in the same. He kept saying that in his journal. Despite what he wrote about me being a Benedict bitch and a bulimic whore he still loved me. He loved my dark parts.

Honestly all in all Sebastian did me a favor I don't have to hide who I am anymore. People look at me with disdain but I know they're still afraid of me. I don't care if all my dirty laundry was out , not anymore. Nothing mattered.

I am Kathryn Merteuil and even though I have mascara running down my cheeks I still look undefeated. Because like Sebastian said in his journal as I grab the copy of it from his desk and read it to myself aloud.

"There has never been a single person in human existence quite like My love, Kathryn. Stunning to look at, and exciting to be near - cold as ice. She cares about absolutely no one but herself. This girl has elevated self-absorption into an art form. She believes in nothing and laughs in the face of sadness, faith, and sincerity. A person solely observing her and having seen the damage she's done to so many lives would most likely classify her as evil. She scoffs at any and every type of religion, all the while manipulating others by using the idea of being religious all to her advantage. She'll steal monetarily or emotionally from anyone who crosses her path, spend night after night in drunken, drug-induced debauchery, but lives this other life as the consummate perfect angel. She is in a sense brilliant, as evidenced by the fact that she has indeed completely fooled each person she has ever had to–except me–and she knows it. We are very similar people except I have a heart, and from time to time, actually feel emotion Kathryn does not. I have seen her break the spirits of others, cheat on anyone supposedly important to her, and all these things are done without so much as a second thought."

Yes , his queer diary it's about his conquests but I'm rather surprised just how much he wrote about me. That's why I was always so desperate to read it. He wrote beautifully. Yes what Annette printed wasn't the most flattering thing and it broke my heart that he didn't really know.

Sebastian was right in a lot of things, there has and will never be anyone like me. I would blame my absent mother or my father who committed suicide. I could blame Court for raping me, that was the real reason why I wanted to get my revenge on him. I never told that to Sebastian. But my life isn't a sob story. Yes I enjoy in making people feel miserable. And I am not a victim of circumstances. I chose to be this way. And Sebastian chose me he always chose me , he always came back to me except four weeks ago when we declared war. Truth is I love him. I love Sebastian. I've always been in love with him. Couldn't he see that I do feel. I'm not a robot. He denied me once for little miss Southern bore. I thought rejecting him and calling him a toy was what I had to do. I was jealous. I hated that little bitch. So being the self destructive person that I am. I had to ruin Sebastian. I just had to ruin us. But I never meant to hurt him. This wasn't supposed to end like this.

I need something to calm my nerves. I got up and went to Sebastian's desk again. I know in the front drawer he kept his stash. I opened it. And there it was. Sebastian's weed. He had joints prepared and all. I preferred cocaine. But from time and time again Sebastian and I smoked pot together. We would laugh and dance and hug. It was a dream when we would get high together. I light the joint and take the first hit. I needed something stronger. Thought my mother had thrown my stash I had always hidden a little bag in Sebastian's room. The idiot never found it. It was in his bookshelf next to his desk , inside a book his father gave him for Christmas. He never opened it. It was the perfect spot. I took out an almost identical rosary except I never used this one because of how hollow it was. Sat on his chair and drew a line of coke in his desk. I wonder what would Sebastian say if he saw me. My messy hair, makeup running all over my face. As I finished the lines. I knew I was already high. Being high kept me from feeling too much. It numbed me I always craved that numbness. Now I don't need to be high. I'm numb all the time.

Sex and power were my religion but Sebastian was my faith.

The relationship Sebastian and I had was sacred, so hard to replace. And we managed to screw it up with the stupid bet. He was right. He told me about the damage I could cause. I would've never imagined the damage I caused us.

He isn't here anymore. He doesn't sneak into my bedroom and climb into my bed next to me. When we slept together it was completely innocent. The most innocent moments we had. He would hold me. And I would feel safe.

My mind drifted to the first time Sebastian and I shared the same bed.

It was when our parents had just married. I was fourteen and he was fifteen. Even then I was starting to become the bitch I am now. I ignored all of his advances to get me to have sex with him. But one day my mother and Edward came back suddenly from their honeymoon. It was my dad. He had committed suicide. My mother didn't know how to grief or cuddle me. Edward only told me I was going to be alright and gave me a pat in the back. I was in awe at how everyone in that house was ignoring my father's death. Except Sebastian. One night he just came into my room. Asked if he could lay down with me and held me while I sobbed. We never talked about that again. He knew how much I didn't want him to think I was weak. So he never mentioned our innocent sleepovers. It didn't seem like us to be affectionate unless we were teasing each other. But when he would come into my room , laid next to me and played with my hair. It was like it was just us in the world.

A tear ran down my cheek. I can't be in his arms anymore. I didn't accept Sebastian's death for two weeks. My mother slapped me after when I didn't cry in the funeral. That I wasn't grieving like a sister should. She knows what Sebastian means to me. My mother and I have a strange relationship. I think she cares but she's one of the people who wasn't meant to be a mother. She had me at sixteen for Christ sakes. I don't blame her anymore. And from time and time again she made remarks about how I was a mistake but she had turned me into "her perfect porcelain doll".

"I can't see your face Katie, I'm sorry but Edward and I need some time alone. Im really disappointed in you and your brother, Edward is distraught."

Edward tried convincing me to go to a rehab center for trouble young adults but I would always tell Edward that I couldn't leave the house not yet. Say what you want about the bastard. But he did love his son. I never had a relationship with Edward since he was always out screwing his secretary. But this month Edward had tried to be a father to me. I was uncomfortable. I didn't know how to react when he started crying in his study in front of me. He wanted to tell me that I was next in line to be his heir. I was shocked at the sentiment. Frankly I thought he wanted something from me but he didn't.

" I know how much he loved you Kathryn and I also know how much he wanted me to take care of you. He left me a letter a rather dramatic one. " He chuckled. "Eighteen years old and didn't fear an impending death. He left me a letter." Edward said.

"Why would he do that , he hated me". I told Edward.

"I don't know what was going on between you two but I've already lost one child and I don't plan to lose the next. I've been married to your mother for some time now but I've known you since you were a baby. And I'm in need of an heir for the Valmont enterprise. My enemies and chairs of the company will try to manipulate me now that I've lost him. So I need you sign those papers stating that I adopt you and your name will be Kathryn Valmont and you will now own Sebastian's share of the company "

"And if i don't want to be a Valmont?" I was increasingly suspicious, Edward never took an interest on me before.

"Then I'll tell your mother to send you off to a rehabilitation center and it won't just be six months." Edward said in a warning tone

"You don't feel sorry for me, you want to use me so you don't lose control of the company." I told him

At the end I agreed. It didn't matter what my last name was and if I could help Sebastian's father maybe Sebastian where ever he was would forgive me.

I understand the people around me more and more. Before Sebastian was the voice of reason. Now I have to be my own. How fucking annoying.

"Oh Sebastian , I hope you fucking can see me now. You fucking piece of shit ! This wouldn't have happened if you wouldn't have run after her."

Ronald called me right when the accident happened he told me Sebastian saved the hick. It should've been Annette for all I care. Sebastian was never self-righteous. When we were in third grade he pushed Blaine into the pool. Poor Blaine was almost drowning since he didn't know how to seem yet.

I served myself a glass of Sebastian's favorite whiskey. I had a severe migraine. The weed wasn't helping it. I took a few pills of excedrin. Well I crushed them and I snorted it. I had become my worst nightmare an addict. I wasn't suicidal. I was just indifferent. I felt stuck. I felt guilty. I can't live with the guilt. It's poison.

I went to the record player and grabbed one of his favorite vinyls. Sebastian knew I loved to dance. I played " I only have eyes for you" by the Flamingos. It was one of the songs that played at our parents wedding. Flashbacks of Sebastian in a suit glaring at me. He looked delicious. I miss his devilish smirk.

With the second joint in my hand and the glass of whiskey in the other I started to twirl. Memories overcame me. Suddenly I felt Sebastian's gaze on me.

His blue ocean eyes glaring at my green ones. If I could only see him again. But there's nothing that could make that happen. Suddenly I felt so dizzy i fell to the ground with my drink all over me. I began to sob uncontrollably.

You don't realize the power they have until they leave you and nothing prepares for when you lose them. I always knew emotions were a fickle matter, now that I've let them out they're controlling me. I lost all the control I once had in my life. Now I'm a mess. Maybe I never told Sebastian the truth because I was afraid. He had been the only one to evoke such feelings in her.

"Sebastian , please come back from. Please I love you. Please forgive me for all the things I've done."

Maybe he got tired of waiting for me. He told me that once but he wasn't talking about him finally fucking me. He implied being together. We were drunk and high when he told me that how great would be we be together.

" _I'm tired of the games Kat! You know if we were together we could do great things and not just in bed"_

 _I remember him clearly whispering into my ear at a party last year, Sebastian had left the party and gone to Blaine's room , I followed him. I egged him on and touched his thigh that night. I straddled him whimpering his name and then I whispered to his ear "we could destroy each other baby" I kissed his and licked neck while I grinned unto him feeling his hard on but before he could grab my waist I quickly got up and left._

How I wish now I would've said yes to him right then and there. I thought he only wanted to fuck me that night but now i see it. I had never given Sebastian what he truly wanted. I was afraid of him. Afraid of the feelings he would evoke in me and then afraid of him betraying me.

I'm choking on my words. I couldn't breathe. I was having a panic attack. My heart was beating so fast. I felt like I was drowning and my lungs were filled with water. The track playing over and over again I managed to get up and I collapsed on Sebastian's bed. Drowned in the sheets and the smell of him.

* * *

 _Authors note_

 ** _Hey everyone! I hope you enjoyed my little story! It's my first in a long time. I love Kathryn and Sebastian. Although I see i'm quite late on the ship. I couldn't get this scene out of my head. I think this is story if you guys like it will have more chapters! It's my first fanfic ! I hope you guys enjoy. If you have any comments or criticism please don't be shy :)! I only want to grow and learn!_**


	2. Chapter 2 : A strange acquaintance

I had woken up in a hospital room. Fuck ! I thought to myself. I Odd'D if i don't end up in rehab now it will surely be a miracle. I don't remember much of what happened. I hope they didn't call mother and Edward the last thing I need is them thinking I'm suicidal. I look up and see a shadow of a young man sleeping in the chair. I realize it's Blaine.

"Blaine!". I call him, I feel like my mouth is full of cotton.

Blaine shrugs and wakes up from his sleep. "Kat! Thank God ! Holy shit. I was so worried. I went to check up on you and to my surprise you were all coked up laying on the floor , with a broken bottle of whisky and you bleeding. What the fuck where you trying to achieve !? Do you have any idea what you put me through!".

Blaine kept stuttering. I had never seen him so agitated. We do care about each other but he is acting outrageous.

"Calm down Tuttle, I lost control. I get it, it won't happen again."

"CALM DOWN ! CALM DOWN KATHRYN YOU COULD'VE KILLED YOURSELF"!

I stayed silent. I understood what I had done but I felt so numb probably from all the medication the doctors had probably given me that I was indifferent.

"Kat please! I can't loose you too!"

Blaine started crying. Sometimes he can be such a drama queen but he was right. Sebastian's death did affect. It affected both of us so much that he got suspended from school. I haven't been back to school since August and it's now March.

Blaine hugged me. I hugged him back. He was right. As selfish as I have been in the past. I couldn't do that to him, all these months he took care of me. I never thought because of Sebastian we would be closer.

"Hey , shh, it's okay I'm not going anywhere." I tell him reassuring him. I've never been the affectionate type but something about Blaine crying really got to me.

"You better not , you bitch!" He said while I wiped his tears always.

"Initials KV, Good morning miss I'm going to be discharging you."

The nurse had a familiar voice, she was making her in backwards with a trolley in which Kathryn assumed it was her breakfast. She wasn't hungry and hospital food took her appetite right away.

To Kathryn's horror the nurse turned around to be no other than Annette fucking Hardgrove the person she hated probably more than Sebastian.

"What the fuck are you doing here!" I screamed.

"Kathryn? But I thought your last name was Mert..."

Kathryn interrupted her before the blond could continue.

" Haven't you heard? I'm a VALMONT now!" Kathryn said it in a tone that was rather bitchy while still maintaining her better than Annette poise.

"No that can't be possible!"

"Old Edward adopted Kathryn and is now the heir to the Valmont inheritance." Blaine cleared his throat.

"So that means that pretty little car you drove away with is mine so you better hand over the keys Hardgrove." Kathryn mocked, something had switched in her seeing Annette standing there. And the cause was her anger. It didn't make her feel stuck anymore. It drove her. It motivate her

"It was a gift from Sebastian, you can't take it away!" Annette was horribly surprised. She never imagined, she found Kathryn in the hospital she would be interning in.

"Ha! Like that holds any weight now! Actually Blaine do you mind , I think Annette and I have some matters to discuss."

Blaine was quick to leave.

"Kathryn I'm not here to fight, I came back for a reason. My community hours are very important to me , and Manchester prep is a great school to finish off high school.

"So find another one! I warned you what would happen if you came back to New York !

"What will happen ? You're no longer in charge of school. You haven't been there for months, no one is afraid of you anymore. "

"Don't tempt me Annette."

"What happen to you Kathryn? Why are you here?Why did Doctor Jacobson want to do psych evaluations?"

"You don't know?" Kathryn rolled her eyes. She wasn't about to have a heart to heart with miss virginal southern bore.

Annette picked up Kathryn's medical chart. Reading it over and over again flipping the pages. Kathryn got up and grabbed the chart and threw it on the floor. Annette was in utter shock.

"What are you going to publish my medical records too ? Of me still being a bulimic , coke head whore who tried to kill herself!?"

Kathryn said with a scoff.

"Kathryn I would never do that!" Annette said still in disbelief

"You've done worse!" Kathryn murmured

"No Kathryn that was different. This is different! Why are you doing this! Is this because of me ?"

"Don't flatter yourself Annette , you're irrelevant. And no it was an accident, I've admit I've taken it too far."

"Kathryn too far is that rosary!"

"Why do you care?"

"If Sebastian was here he would be so angry !"

"Well he's fucking not here Annette so just let me fucking be , you got what you wanted. Now just give me his car keys, discharge and leave me the fuck alone!!!!!!!!"

Annette looked at her really looked at her. She barely recognized the Kathryn Sebastian described in the journal. She was almost so vulnerable. Yes she had been a horrible person to her and Sebastian, but Annette felt sorry for her. She had just tried to kill herself and not even her parents know . She only had Blaine Tuttle who was Sebastian's best friend and neighborhood drug dealer. Annette felt guilty something she didn't like. She couldn't stand it. She had to do something.

Without a second thought Annette handed the keys over to Kathryn.

"Well that was easier than expected." Kathryn said with a gleaming smile, her eyes were shiny. It reminded Annette of a cat. She even moved like one. No pun intended.

"Take it as whatever you think this is Kathryn. I don't care about material things. I'll find another nurse so she can discharge you."

"Freak , you don't want to face me because you feel guilty, don't you!" Kathryn said with tears in her eyes. She had officially hit rock bottom. Screaming and caring about what Annette thought.

Annette looked back with an expression that looked like grief. Annette fucking Hardgrove felt sorry for her Kathryn.

"I'm so sorry Kathryn, you don't know just how sorry I am."

"Well being sorry isn't going to fucking bring him back. You blamed me for what happened for so long but it was you. He saved you from the fucking car. "

"I wish I could bring him back." And with that Annette left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

2 months later

LONDON

It's been nine months since I left New York. Well actually not just left it but died. Sebastian Valmont is officially dead. Yes it was rather dramatic of me to fake my own death but I've always had an air for the theatrics. I needed an out from all of what New York was. And I needed fast. I had savings. And after my mom died she left me a more than generous amount will. With all of that I had my perfect escape. I left for London as Richard Throne, Richard being my middle name and Thorne being my maiden name.

Turns out faking your death is pretty simple when you have money. That was until of course my father found out. I guess I didn't cover all my areas well enough. Even though I'm 18 my dad somehow was still attached to my mom's will and realized someone had made a withdrawal. Yeah i was an idiot for not covering my ass there.

Good ol Edward surprised the fuck out of me in London. He was in rage.

"Dad you have to understand I needed to leave". I told him.

"You should've come to me Sebastian! Instead of this ridiculous stunt you pulled."

"Stunt? You can't lie to me and say things are better now, without me."

"How could you possibly think that! You're the most important person to me. I know I haven't been around and I'm not the most affectionate parent but do you think , I would be better with a life that's without you."

"Well i've read your Valmont Enterprises are better, and you're still with Tiffany, shocker, but you seen together."

"That's because i've been trying to distract everyone from this fucking charade you've pulled."

"Relax dad no one will find out, look I am much more balanced here without New York."

"No, you came here to escape your strange obsession with your sister, drugs, your sex addiction and your fucking antics"!

"For the last time she isn't my sister I rather not talk about her and yes I might have escaped but look I'm sober, I have a job, I'm a photographer at a magazine. I finally have things under control."

" You have to finish school at least, I won't let my son be some freelance photographer. "

"I'm not going back to New York. I can't"

" Sebastian, it's her she's not well. She's been acting out manic and she's been in and out of rehab".

"Since when do you care about Kathryn"?

" And do you not? Son! Look at me ! She's a mess!

I was directly not looking at him. He never cared about Kathryn or hell Tiffany. He didn't care about me. Eventually my father left. This was a month in. He couldn't convince me to leave London. I couldn't return to that family. Or face everyone, especially Annette.

The more I think about Annette the more I see, just why it was the correct choice to leave her. Yes I care about her and loved her but I could never be what she needed. I have my whole fucking baggage. My depression, the fear that I'm like my mom. I would've hurt Annette worse if I would've stayed and played happy healthy boyfriend.

Trust me the whole world was better with Sebastian Valmont being gone.


	4. Chapter 4

NEW YORK.

I walked into Manchester. My mother gave me an ultimatum either it was finish my Senior year or go back to rehab which honestly Manchester isn't as bad. It is certainly different though. Everyone is shocked that I'm back but the Mertuil name owns half of New York. The Manchester Library was named Isabelle E. Merteuil after my grandmother for fucks sake and now with having the Valmont name is like i'm untouchable. Well back and better than ever.

Because the bitch is back!

I decided to be myself, and not the Martha Fucking boring brady. Turns out everyone loves a bad girl. My reputation? Well i blew it into fucking pieces! Now I fuck who I want, do as much drugs I want and I have no one to stop me or tattle tale on me.

People fear me again. Because they know what I'm capable of. I am unstoppable!

"Miss Valmont Merteuil you're late".

Ugh my fucking two last names are getting in my nerve. I'm late for my lit class, who the fuck cares about AP literature. I have all my fucking grades i could graduate if I wanted to and leave but my attendance is something else. I've missed so much ever since what happened in Summer.

I roll my eyes. This substitute teacher has really been getting on my nerves. He is rather hot though. He's about 28, brown haired, honey eyes. And I do love a man with a tie.

"I'm sorry Mr. Andrews, it won't happen, I promise." I say biting my lip. Everyone is staring at me.

"No that's what you said last time. Please do me a favor and stay after class".

I know what he wanted, me. And I wanted him. You see, Jacob Andrews was not just some boring literature sub. He was smart, different and couldn't see through my bullshit. During lunch he would read One hundred years of solitude and just look so enraptured in it. Almost like S-

no he isn't him, he just has an air to him. Maybe I have a type for the silent and suffer types! But I am bored. I've Court and Cecile's life a living hell. There's nothing to do.

"I thought you said you didn't want to fuck me Mr Andrews."

"Kathryn please don't make this any harder , I kissed you but I can't do this."

"Oh Jacob I can think of other things I can make harder." I say cunningly raising my eyebrow. As I sit on his lap. And straddle him.

"I can't , it's too risky!"

"Why? I'm 18 and it's not like you're actually my professor Jake. Come over and you can give me detention."

"This is where you live?"

"Yeah, can we skip the tour and get right on it Jakey?"

I say as I'm drinking my Pinot Noir.

I show him upstairs and take him to the room. And push him to the bed. I makeout with him while I unbutton his pants. I can feel how hard he is. He unbuttoned my shirt and revealed my lacey red corset from La Perla.

"Fuck you're unreal Kathryn." He kisses my neck and flips me under him.

"Hey relax it's ok baby I'll take care of you." He said as he kissed me more. Him treating me as a porcelain doll was a turn off. I just wanted some dick. And he was being sweet. But I didn't need that.

He took off my underwear and started eating me out. It felt good but something was off. I couldn't relax. Maybe it was because I started mixing my new meds with cocaine. Suddenly everything was spinning.

I opened my eyes. For a second a saw a figure standing on the door. It looked like Seb no it couldn't be.

"Wow in my own room. No respect for the dead huh"?!


	5. Chapter 5: The Confrontation

"What the fuck! Kathryn you said no one was home! Jacob said except. I wasn't really listening. I could hear voices but as if I was underwater and the voices came from the surface above me.

I opened my eyes and everything was still spinning. I thought I heard his voice, Jacob got off of me. I couldn't gather myself. I could feel he was running out of the room. I was so confused.

"Wait Jake."

"Well to be fair my sister didn't know I'd be home."

Sister? I wasn't hearing right. No I was just high. God Blaine said not do this anymore for a reason. Not to mix, not to even try oxy again. And to stop messing with cocaine but I couldn't because last time i felt him too. Maybe this is rock bottom. I finally opened my eyes and sat up. My head was still spinning.

And then I saw him.

"Well you seem off sis!"

I couldn't believe this, it was him I must have Od'd.

"I'm I dead?" I just ran up to him and hugged him.

"Kathryn , are you ok? " I pulled Kathryn off me, I was shocked she would receive me with such excitement. She was high out of her mind.

And just like that she fainted. Kathryn fell unconscious.

I woke up , shocker in the hospital, again it's the third time this month, fuck. After this time my mom might really send me away to Europe for Rehab. I wonder if Jacob called the ambulance. Or if I did? Everything felt so cloudy. The nurse came in. Apparently they had to pump my stomach or Gastric Suction which I've only ever had that done once well twice now. The nurse went on about the severity of my problem. And that was at risk of being underweight. The conversation seemed like 12 hours. But she finally discharged me. I saw clothes on the counter. Weird. I got dressed.

I couldn't find my phone, maybe I left it at home.

"Looking for this?" Sebastian Valmont dressed in a stunning hugo boss outfit, his iconic black well tailored black button down paired with black pants. He looked like a prince from hell. He walked towards me and gave me my cell phone.

I was in shock.

"Well I can't believe I've made you speechless, all these years of me trying and trying. Who knew me coming back from the dead was the only way to make you tongue-tied." He said with a smug smile

" You're not fucking real." I must still be sleeping or maybe at this point I've completely lost it.

"Baby, I'm as real as this". He said as he came close to me and touched my cheek. He was so close to me I could smell him. I looked up and his eyes met mine. His deep ocean eyes. And I just pulled him into me.

I kissed him hungrily and ferocious, as if I was blood - thirsty for him. And I was. He kissed me back just with the same intensity. Suddenly I stopped and he looked at me again.

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU FUCKING BASTARD". I say half heartedly.

"Kathryn this could wait till I get you home." He was calm and put together what the hell was wrong with him!

"The fuck not, I'm not going anywhere with you!"

"I" Sebastian starts explaining until his phone answers and he picks it up. How fucking dare he.

"Hang the phone up right now or so help me God you'll wish you'll be dead."

"Hey stop that"! Sebastian says as I start smacking his arm so he fucking acknowledges me.

"We have to get home , my dad and Tiffany are on their way from the airport." Sebastian Says.

"Wait did you dad knew all this time that you're alive?"

"Please I promise to tell you everything, let's just go home."

We got home a couple of hours ago. We all fought. Turns out good ol Edward fucking knew Sebastian has been alive for almost a fucking year. What's worse is that my own mother knew too. They found out 2 months ago. She saw me suffering and did nothing. And Edward he made this fucking charade of adopting me and changing my last name as threat to Sebastian if he didn't come back, I would be benefitary of Valmont Enterprises and I would own all of Sebastian's shares.

I could hear my mother and Edward arguing downstairs. Well back to normal I guess. Fucking Sebestian. Of course that little son of a bitch didn't die. As my dad would say "Hierba mala nunca muere" which means that a shitty annoying weed never fucking dies. I couldn't gather my thoughts. So of course I acted on impulse. I sent a dm to my fave instagram upper east side gossip profile with a picture well countless pictures of everyone's favorite bad boy's reincarnation. Sebastian would pay for either not staying dead, coming back and faking it. Looks like Blaine and the whole world including Annette are going to find out Sebastian is alive through social media ahahah.

"Kathryn , open the door please, I'm begging you, I need to talk to you". I open the door to my room.

"You already explained why you faked dying Sebastian, I don't need to fucking hear it again or in the matter of case see you again."

" No I wanted to talk…"

I cut him off. And I open the door.

" About? About what ? You abandoning everyone to play Mr. I am not a miserable piece of shit in another country? Face it SEBASTIAN you can't fucking run from yourself because guess what you'll go everywhere you try to escape."

"Oh so what should I do Kat ? Fucking drown myself in drugs and sex and try to kill myself"?

"I wasn't trying to kill myself. I was just, I have been going through things. But that doesn't mean you have the right to come into my life police it while you are a fucking coward."

"Don't call me that!"

"Or what you'll hit me again?"

"Stop it!" He yelled, tears forming in my eyes. I just look at him helplessly.

He walked away from me and went to my dresser, opened the middle drawer and took my oxy pill box, my cocaine and my weed.

"I thought you were fucking done with his shit since Annette exposed you."

"No, your little southern bitch made me worse. Now nobody expects anything from me, I don't have to hide, I also can fuck whoever I want. You were right , it is good to be yourself."

"I didn't mean this Kat, I meant , look you need help. My father called me and said, ``You're spiraling out. "'

"Oh so now you've come to save me, and finally be my prince charming baby". I say while cornering him. He doesn't get to be in control. He just stares at me, he can see through it. He knows all I want to do is have him hold me while I sob.

"Kathryn I still care", he whispers his forehead and mine are touching. He places a hand on my waist.

"No you don't get to fucking do that"! I say as I start crying. I moved away from him. "I fucking grieved you Sebastian, I am still grieving you! How dare you leave me. Why?"

"Kathryn, I am so sorry, I needed to break out of here, it's like this fucking city doesn't let you breathe sometimes."

"I know but that's why we had each other"!

"I had to get away from you from all the fucking games that destroyed us". He said desperately.

I hated his fucking guts right now. But in the end I almost felt happy. Happy that the nightmare of him being gone was nothing but a nightmare. I will make him pay but I need him. I still need him.

He walked out of my room.

That night I was tossing and turning. I couldn't sleep. My heart was beating so fast and loud. If I could count my heart beats they would be like 178 per minute even though that might be my anxiety talking. I felt very antsy.

I walked to Sebastian's room. I opened the door and made myself to the bed. He was sleeping. I came from the left side and tried very quietly to get into the bed.

"What"? Sebastian said in a sleepy manner. He turned on the lamp that was next to his night stand.

"Kathyrn"?

"Hey I couldn't sleep and actually I've been sleeping here for the last couple of months and I was wonder…"

He cut me off.

"Yes come, sorry I was half asleep". He unmade the left side of the bed. And stared at me.

Ok yes so I might have changed into a sexier slip before coming to his room. I know he must still hate me but if he desires me then I can work with that.

"You always look that good when you're going to sleep"? He tells me, I think he's actually flirting. Kinda it feels weird.

I just smile and bite my lip. I climb into bed.

"I just missed you , a lot actually if I'm being honest. " I can't believe I just told him that, why do I fucking feel like a fourteen year old girl.

"I'm sorry Kathryn, you're right , I am a coward and I ran away from my problems and you"

"Hey hey shh don't ruin this". I move closer to him.

"Sebastian"?

"Yes , Kat"

"I need you".

Before he can say anything I get on top of him. His hands immediately go to my waist almost like an instant reaction.

"what "? he says puzzled.

"I want you to fuck me Sebastian, please I need you inside me".

"Kat , I want you too, so much. I thought about you everyday.

"Then what are you waiting for"?

He flipped me I was underneath him he kissed my forehead and kissed me longingly as if he had never kissed me before. I started crying.

"Please don't leave me".

"I won't, never again. I promise."

"I'm sorry to ruin the mood I just, it's been hard"

"You didn't ruin anything Kathryn, It's been a tough day for both of us. "

I tangled my fingers into his curly blonde hair.

"You're still very much irresistible but we can honestly do it tomorrow. It doesn't need to be right now"

"Haha , that's very highly of you to assume i'll let you fuck me tomorrow." I say.

"I know you will."

"How"? I challenge him.

"Because I know you aren't wearing any underwear and you're wet."

"Mhm you do know me Sebastian". I say as I turn to face him and i lick his neck."

"Ok now stop teasing me and go to sleep"!


End file.
